everyone's an artist and everything is art

today was the day i stood up to him. he hasn’t hurt me bad yet but he told me it’s coming ‘you don’t know what you’ve unleashed, you have no idea what I’m going to do to you know’ *then throws a chair across the room an it breaks. mum and sister stand and watch, sis crying*

Anyway this is what happened and i know I’m slightly in the wrong but I’m stressed and need to study’

i knew i had to say it or he’d hurt one of them instead so when he was flying off the head about me and my sister being messy because our desk was covered with stuff from studying, he picked up a jaffa cake box as an example to which i joked ‘it’s the jaffa cake monster’ -(a joke between me mum and my sister) This is when he got properly mad and kept saying we had to spend all the next week cleaning. I got mad because I have AS level exams to revise for on Wednesday and I know I shouldn’t have said it, so really its my fault but i said ‘i have an exam to revise for!I’m already behind and I’m going to end up failing now! I’ll clean when I can and wont spend all my time cleaning like an old housewife’ the minute I said it I knew i should have. I couldn’t look at him, I was so scared, then he had his fist in my face and me up against the wall he was yelling ‘this is what you’re going to get. you’ve had it coming to you’ and he yelled a lot more about how all he was doing was learning me to tidy for my own good and saying i was calling my mum an old fishwife and had disrespected her so i needed to be taught a lesson.

I finally whispered ’you do all your teaching with your fists, all i want to do is revise for my exam.’

Then there was silence for what seemed a year but was truly a second, i heard mum shout ‘leave it, dont’ and that’s when he started smashing up the room, when he lifted the chair, he said ‘you’re gong to regret saying that. you see this chair this could be you. you’re lucky its not you’ and he threw it at the floor and smashed it up.

He then went outside stood at the door still talking about how disrespectful i was and that if i felt that way about him and mum i could just leave he doesn’t want me anyway and then ran back into the room i was in grabbed and held my hair from the back shouting other threatening things and that he was doing to good for me and always is. I know that but I needed to revise more than clean atm so it wasn’t that much for the best was it? 

But he didn’t really hurt me so this times no worse than the rest so its fine, it is he hasn’t done anything wrong. I just need to calm down.

Anyway sorry for moaning and complaining, dad says its all i ever do, but i needed t get this out of my system so I can stop shaking and crying and thinking about the fact he hasn’t really hurt me yet and just get on with my studying. I’m being silly now. Just needed someone to talk to and as my friends are being weird. tumblr you are my savior from doing something  silly to leave this cruel world as I’m over reacting and typing it out helps me understand and get over it.

OK I’m fine, iIm good, bye. B x